Gary Martin: Desire to be liked makes us lose touch with who we are

As opinions flood our lives like never before, our actions are increasingly shaped by what others think rather than our own instincts.

FOPO, or the Fear of Other People’s Opinions, is creeping into the lives of too many of us.

In an age dominated by social media, instant communication and constant connection, opinions are everywhere.

From when we wake up and check our phones we are bombarded with thoughts on politics, fashion, parenting and even what to have for breakfast.

This constant stream of opinions does not just influence how we think.

It changes how we act, often pulling us away from what we truly want and pushing us to make choices based on what we believe others expect.

FOPO, a term coined by psychologist Michael Gervais, has a sneaky way of embedding itself in our daily decisions.

You might have found yourself nodding in agreement during a meeting even though you disagreed with the direction being discussed, just to avoid being the odd one out.

Or perhaps you dressed a certain way for an event, not because it reflected your personal style but because you felt pressured to fit in.

There are also times when you have likely felt obligated to attend a family gathering even though you were exhausted, but you did not want to be judged as uncaring.

In relationships, you might have compromised on your own needs or desires to keep the peace, even if it meant sacrificing your own happiness.

FOPO can influence the way you express yourself on social media. You carefully curate posts to present a version of your life that you believe will be accepted or admired by others.

It is even possible that you have chosen a career path that aligns with others’ expectations of success rather than something you enjoy simply to avoid the judgment that might come from pursuing something less conventional.

These examples show how FOPO can lead us to make choices that prioritise others’ perceptions over our own happiness and genuine needs, often leaving us feeling drained and unfulfilled.

We become so consumed by the desire to be liked and accepted that we start to lose touch with who we really are.

For those impacted by FOPO, recognising its influence on behaviour is the first step towards reclaiming your own voice and choices.

This small change in perspective can lead to significant changes.

Fear often holds us back, making us doubt ourselves and avoid taking risks.

However, by focusing on caring about others’ opinions rather than fearing them, it is possible to build stronger, more meaningful relationships.

FOPO is a normal part of human behaviour but often prevents us from fully being ourselves.

Accepting that not everyone will see us in the best light can be uncomfortable at first, but ultimately, it sets us free to be ourselves.

It allows us to speak our minds, ask for what we need, say no and be true to ourselves.

Professor Gary Martin is CEO of AIM WA and a specialist in workplace and social trends