‘Your Aunt been known to up-end One’s entire life after a few hours spent staring at the ocean and feeling the warm winds of January seemingly encouraging One to change countries, careers or lovers on a whim.’
Jay Hanna
‘If your Aunt knows anything my dear, and that is up for debate, but if One does, it’s that people-pleasing is a short road to long-term disappointment.’
‘Sometimes you have to be realistic and understand that other life priorities need to take over.’
And if you are absolutely desperate for a man to escort you to a gathering in future, One can suggest a certain septuagenarian who would happily attend the opening of an envelope.
One doubts whatever it is, could be any worse than the mental images your Aunt is currently harbouring.
‘One says a hard no to some of the baffling beauty trends of the moment, like eyelashes so long (and heavy) the simple act of blinking is like resistance training for the eyelids.
‘One would be less than inclined to share those ideas with four women who sound like they might give your Aunt a run for her money in the sexy, single and ready-to-mingle stakes.’
One would say your solution that you see this person one on one might be the best way to proceed with this friendship for now.
Is this also the plot of some romantic comedy? If not, it should be.
‘Christmas is a time for compassion and compromise.’
Any attempt to coerce someone into doing something they don’t want to do, no matter how trivial or lighthearted it might seem, is simply not the kind of behaviour that should be encouraged.
Times are tough, and you are by no means the only person in Perth who has had to swap champagne nights out for cut-price, bleach-your-insides-cheap-chardonnay nights at home.
If you’ve got it flaunt it and if you love it, do it. That’s your Aunt’s advice.
‘One is well aware that sometimes neighbours can get on every single one of your nerves.’
These comments are almost always delivered as passive-aggressive chat-up lines by drunk blokes who seem to think telling a woman they could look happier is a sure-fire way to end the night in a steamy smooch.
It’s funny how often these sorts of knuckle-grazing chauvinistic men get inexplicably upset by women mirroring their behaviours.
These are all topics people really should discuss prior to getting more serious because they are what is known as relationship deal-breakers.
One has to say that surely halitosis is one of the greatest crimes people can still inflict on society without the threat of proper recourse.
Taking matters into your own hands risks threatening the harmony that you are likely paying handsomely to enjoy
‘One would suggest that his reaction, then, probably has more to do with an emotional inability or unwillingness to embrace change.’
It is not uncommon for people to have stories of walking in on their parents doing the deed and having the image burnt upon their retinas for evermore.
‘Keep being you and understand that it is not only more than enough, it’s also inspiring and empowering to those children who may be overwhelmed by your louder, more outwardly confident colleagues.’
‘This may give her pause to rethink her choices and maybe next year you won’t end up with chocolates that have faded as badly as Katy Perry’s career.’
Did you not get the memo that says as we get older we earn the right to give less and less credence to judgment of any sort?
