Anxiety Aunt: Should I ask my wealthy family to dial it down to suit my budget or is that being selfish?

Dear Aunty, My family are all high-paid professionals — lawyers, doctors and engineers. As a musician I am the lowly paid black sheep. My family are supportive of my career and come to watch me perform often but the problem is, a lot of the time when we catch up for celebrations, birthdays or anniversaries, which is often because we are a big family, they choose expensive restaurants. I love amazing food as much as the next person but given the current cost-of-living pressures, I find it hard keeping up financially. A couple of times I’ve had to come up with an excuse not to attend because I can’t take the hit to the hip pocket and still pay my bills. I know my parents would pay for me if I asked, but I don’t want to be dependent on them at this point in my life. Should I raise the matter with my family and ask if we can try some more budget-friendly restaurants? Or is that being selfish? Yours, Stretched Dear Stretched, Times are tough, my dear, and you are by no means the only person in Perth who has had to swap champagne nights out for cut-price, bleach-your-insides-cheap-chardonnay nights at home. Alas, even your Aunt has had to swap One’s preferred gin brand for an Aldi alternative, which, while still drinkable, requires your Aunt to be a bit more creative with mixers and garnishes. Of course, if old Bert Saunders next door contributed more than just ice cubes to our veranda gin sessions, One might still be able to afford the good gear. Your Aunt will add it to One’s long list of disappointments when it comes to Bert. Now, moving on, it is not selfish to ask your family to consider your more modest means when making plans for family get-togethers. After all, high-end dining is a luxury and for many it is slipping further and further out of reach. Your Aunt enjoys eating food that looks like it belongs in an avant-garde art gallery as much as the next person, but One cannot justify the expense at present due to the fact One’s side hustle as a eulogy writer for hire has dried up — thanks for nothing, ChatGPT — and One’s home is tumbling into the same state of disrepair as One’s body, which means One must actually look at getting some work done before it falls in a heap with your Aunt inside it. It’s grim times, Stretched, grim times. However, as One has always said, whenever life hands us lemons we squeeze the bejesus out of them and make some pisco sour. Just don’t blame your Aunt for the resulting hangover. So, how to broach things with your family? One would be open and honest and state that you are not looking for a handout but rather a reassessment of the cost of family get-togethers. Maybe suggest some at-home dinners, picnics or less expensive alternatives, like when restaurants offer more affordable midweek deals or BYO options, or opting for a cheap and cheerful pizza joint. The value of time spent with family cannot be measured in monetary terms so it really doesn’t matter how or where you catch up, but rather that you continue to do it. It is better to speak up when you can’t afford to attend so your family realises it’s not because you don’t want to see them or prioritise other things over them, but rather that what they are choosing to do is cost-prohibitive for you. I am sure given the choice of dining at a slightly more affordable venue with you in attendance would trump them ordering lobster three-ways in some fiscally challenging five-star bistro without you there beside them. So talk to them, Stretched. Explain your current situation and One is sure they will understand and accommodate your budgetary restrictions. All the best.